About Assertiveness Training & Therapy
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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Who invented assertiveness training?
The hypnotist and behaviour therapist, Andrew Salter (1914-1996) is usually considered to be the first person to develop a system of assertiveness training, published in his book Conditioned Reflex Therapy (1949). However, the term “assertiveness” training was introduced by the behaviour therapist Joseph Wolpe (1915-1997) in the 1950s when he began to apply Salter’s ideas to the treatment of inter-personal (“social”) anxiety.
What is “assertiveness”?
Andrew Salter in 1941
“Assertive behaviour is the socially appropriate verbal and motor expression of any emotion other than anxiety.” (Wolpe, The Practice of Behaviour Therapy, 1990: 134-135).
“Assertive behaviour promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves, without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably, to exercise personal rights without denying the rights of others.” (Alberti & Emmon, Your Perfect Right, 2001: 6).
“Acting assertively means standing up for your assertive rights and expressing what you believe, feel, and want in direct, honest, appropriate ways that respect the rights of the other person.” (Jakubowski & Lange, The Assertive Option, 1978: 2).
Modern assertiveness training works on three levels: thought, feeling and action.
- Assertive thoughts replace unfounded fears and unrealistic demands with a strong sense of your individual rights.
- Assertive feelings are rational and appropriate emotions, i.e., healthy anger and concern as opposed to unhealthy aggression and anxiety.
- Assertive actions require the knowledge and skill to say and do appropriate things in the presence of others.
Could it be dangerous to become too assertive?
Not really. By definition, assertiveness training aims to improve healthy assertiveness and remove unhealthy habits. There’s no such thing as behaviour being “too healthy.” When people talk about someone being “too assertive” they’re usually mixing up assertiveness with aggression.
In fact, the distinction between “assertive” and “aggressive” behaviour is absolutely fundamental to assertive training. Assertiveness can be seen as the healthy alternative to two extreme forms of unhealthy behaviour: over-submissiveness and over-aggressiveness. By assertiveness we mean neither of these two unhealthy extremes, but rather effective and appropriate communication with the right balance of sensitivity and confidence.
Who needs assertiveness training?
Frankly, more or less everyone. We can all benefit from learning how to communicate more effectively with others. However, the people who benefit most from assertiveness traditionally fall into two categories,
- People who feel very anxious, inhibited, or angry and find these emotions get in the way of communicating satisfactorily with others.
- People who feel okay but lack the experience or skill to put their point across effectively without upsetting other people.
Assertiveness training is designed to help you think more positively, feel more comfortable, and speak more confidently and effectively when dealing with others.
Assertiveness: Recommended Reading
- Conditioned Reflex Therapy (1949/2001) by Andrew Salter
Probably the first book on assertiveness training, or “excitatory” therapy as Salter called it. - Your Perfect Right (1970/2008) by Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons
Probably the most popular book on assertiveness, now in its ninth edition. - The Assertive Option (1978) by A.J. Lange & P. Jakubowski.
Another popular self-help book on assertiveness which provides many practical exercises. - The Practice of Behaviour Therapy (1969/1991) by Joseph Wolpe
Mainly of interest to therapists. Wolpe developed Salter’s work into the foundations of behaviour therapy and introduced the term “assertiveness”. - Assertiveness Step by Step: Overcoming Common Problems (2004) by Windy Dryden & Daniel Constantinou
A recent introduction to assertiveness from the perspective of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT). - Difficult Conversations (1999) by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen
A bestseller on negotiation from the Harvard Negotiation Project. - A Woman in Your own Right (1982) by Anne Dickson
One of the most popular books on assertiveness for women. - The Assertive Option (1978) by Arthur J. Lange & Patricia Jakubowski
Another popular self-help book using on REBT for assertiveness training.
Blog Articles on Assertiveness
- Assertiveness Techniques: Some Typical Examples November 18, 2011A short article describing some fairly common assertiveness techniques used in social skills training. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- “Stop and Think” in Ancient Philosophical Therapy October 13, 2010This brief excerpt from The Philosophy of Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) discusses the use of "stop and think" strategies in ancient Pythagorean and Stoic philosophical therapy. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Four Types of Social Anxiety September 17, 2010Psychologists have struggled to distinguish between different subtypes of social phobia. However, there are some rough distinctions that can be made between four different categories of feared situation. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Assertiveness and Body Language September 17, 2010This brief article outlines early psychological research on the role of non-verbal behaviour in assertiveness training. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Review: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway (1987) by Susan Jeffers September 1, 2010This is an excerpt from 50 Self-Help Classics by Tom Butler-Bowdon, reproduced by kind permission of the author, which reviews Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway (1987) by Susan Jeffers. Reproduced by kind permission of the author. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Does Assertiveness Raise Self-Esteem? August 30, 2010Training in assertiveness may have positive effects on self-esteem. This short article looks at some small studies that lend support to the view that self-worth follows increases in assertive behaviour. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Three-Dimensional Assertiveness August 28, 2010The three-dimensional model of assertiveness is explained in this short article, with reference to assertiveness training and therapy focused on thoughts, actions, and feelings. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Four Myths of Assertiveness July 4, 2010This short article expands upon Cotler and Guerra's (1976) concept of four basic "myths" found among non-assertive individuals, and the alternative philosophies of life that lead to assertive communication. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Self-Hypnosis MP3 for Assertiveness July 4, 2010This is a link to an MP3 version of our old self-hypnosis CD for assertiveness and emotional authenticity. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Four-Step Assertiveness Strategy July 4, 2010This short handout describes the four-step assertiveness procedure. Continue reading → […]Solutions: London Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)